Bottoms Up

Well, last night, after my post, I was all geared up for forward march. Should've known it wasn't going to be forward march. Nope. It's back to square one...well, maybe not quite, as I don't have medical research to do, but pretty much, from a writing standpoint. The plan? I'm formulating it as I write.

Let's see. I know what I'm dealing with now, at least as far as where I went wrong before and what I need to fix. I know where the line is now between character and outside force, if you will. So it's not technically outside, but you get the idea. That's good. And if my trauma victim were a girl, I'd have no further problems, very likely. I'm a girl myself, I know how woman's emotions work. Unfortunately, Brin is not a girl; he's a guy. A grown, married one. I like him, but I don't know him very well yet. He can be a hothead, that's for sure. He's really brave and a patriot who wants reform in the way his country is ruled. He’s also, from the perspective of a girl, a sweetie. I’ve heard men don’t like to hear that about themselves, but that’s just too bad, isn’t it? *smirks* Brin also blushes easily (for a guy—like when he’s angry…his wife is the only one who can make him blush for any other reason), which I thought was an interesting trait to pop up against the machoness. He’s a carpenter, and does small wood carvings in his spare time. Also hunts, with friends. He’s not into it enough to go at it alone. Hmm…what else? Okay, now I’m making up stuff as I go, but who cares? It’s working. Um, he sings, but only for his wife. He’s a good debater, quite eloquent, and he loves it too, and probably knows he’s good at it, deep down, even if he never says so. He’s in great physical shape, a good runner, has an amazing aim when he throws something (be it a stone or a dagger), and his favorite forms of competition are formal footraces and a board game called kings—a classic, really. Okay, so I know all that now. That’s cool, really cool. That’s more than I knew about him five minutes ago. Now there are just three things to solve.

Firstly, what makes him tick? Not him as a guy anymore, but him as an individual? What does he want out of life. I’d say two main things. He wants a family, and he wants a free, good, happy homeland free of the tyranny that rules it now. He wants his country to be able to really call herself “proud Charlane,” as the old songs say.

Now, secondly, what’s he like on an emotional level? What is it that really gets down there to his core. More importantly for what I’m trying to do here, what’s his breaking point? In other words, what makes him cry? That sounds like a stupid, insensitive question, and Brin would probably get tight-jawed and short with me if I tried to ask him in person (if that were possible), but guess what. I’m the author; it’s my job to ask stupid and insensitive questions sometimes.

The next one is even more insensitive. How does a guy like Brin react to utter helplessness? He’s imprisoned, told he’ll soon be executed, even taken out there and made to dig his own grave, having been told he’ll be tortured into unconsciousness and then tied, put in a coffin, and buried alive in the hole he has to dig himself. Then it doesn’t happen. He digs the grave, and the torture starts, and there’s a highly disruptive event. He’s carted right back to prison and liberated soon after. What’s that going to do to him? How horrific! Really, this ties back to the crying question. Everyone has a point where they lose control, and I’m trying to find his. I don’t want him to be a wimp, I don’t. I don’t believe guys that cry are wimps; in fact, I admire the courage it takes some of them. I’ve seen my dad cry in semi-public (church), and even though it made my insides squirm and my own eyes fill and overflow with unreasoning tears just because Daddy was crying, I don’t know that I could have sat in his place without wanting to run away and hide afterward, which he didn’t. But getting back to Brin. The flip side to that is I don’t want to fall back into old ways, either. I don’t want him to lose his characterization. Sure, this will shake him; how could it not? It will probably do more than shake him; he might never be the same again. And maybe I’m as afraid of that as he would be if he knew. How ridiculous. Maybe I’m going to have to wait and see what his breaking point is, what his reactions are like, and just pray and hope hard that I can keep his character firmly in place. And this is going to be even harder because it’s all from his wife’s POV. You can say I have the option of changing from first to third person so I can write in his POV, and sure I do. But I don’t want to. I like it fine that Eryn is telling the story; in fact, it gives it a little bit of a unique perspective. For once in a fantasy, the tragic hero or the magical person isn’t telling the story; it’s being told by a simple, ordinary young woman who loves them both.

So, thus far, what do you think of my guy? He’s the first one I’ve ever consciously gone into this much detail with. I’m going to have to find a way to work him in more; he didn’t have very much stage time before he was arrested.

On a slightly different note, I’ve begun reading All Quiet on the Western Front, in hopes to learn more. Bit of a hard book. Or I could just come right out and say it’s shocking, eye-opening, and extremely sad—and I’m just at the beginning. Still, thanks to True Patriot for the rec. I love the guy’s style and I think I’m in for another big lesson or two…or ten. I’m hoping to learn more about writing guys, and Brin in particular, by reading more guy literature.